Courtesy of Late Night w/David Letterman:
10. Stick to stories everyone can agree on, like cookies are delicious.
9. Move nightly “happy hour” to after the broadcast.
8. Stop hiring guys with crazy names like “Morley.”
7. Can’t figure out if a news story is true? Let Judge Joe Brown decide.
6. Every time Mike Wallace tells a lie he gets a life-threatening electrical shock.
5. Newsroom patrolled by some kind of lovable but strict “truth monkey.”
4. If it turns out the story is wrong, give away 276 brand new cars.
3. After delivering a report, correspondent must add, “or maybe not–who knows?”
2. Newscast consists of Dan Rather sitting down to watch Tom Brokaw.
1. Oh, I dunno, stop making up crap?