My Thoughts About The Oscars(tm)

Ready to hear what I have to say, even though I’m not a gay dude? Good.

  • Chris Rock was clearly the best host ever. It wasn’t the fact that he was overwhelmingly funny, but the fact that he might break loose and blurt out “fuckshitmuthafuckinbrooklyn”.
  • Although I’ve seen exactly none of the best picture nominees, I still think that “Eternal Sunshine” was the best picture of the year. If you haven’t seen it, do. It’s the most truthful relationship movie I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying a lot ’cause I’ve seen “Independence Day” and the love I witnessed on the screen between Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox was astounding.
  • It’s about friggin’ time they gave an award to Morgan Freeman. He’s better than “Cats”.
  • Two of the hottest chicks in Hollywood are Skinny Renee Zellweger and Chunky Renee Zellweger.
  • Thank god Jamie Foxxxxxx won an Oscar because perhaps I’ll be rid of him for at least a few months.
  • Why oh WHY couldn’t Adam Duritz and the Counting Crows win for Best Original Song… was it me or did his hair look like the top of a burnt palm tree?
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